every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
