I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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