It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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