He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
