There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
