wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So apparently I’m into choking now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
