I got chris browned last night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
