I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
