I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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