your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
