South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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