She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
