so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
