I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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