standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
