and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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