PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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