My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize