I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
