Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
