he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The air taste purple.
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