Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
