Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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