I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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