I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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