can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
