So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize