I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's Friday. Sex?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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