k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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