I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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