if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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