This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
zippers are such a cool invention
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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