I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
