Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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