I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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