is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
