Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
