butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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