I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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