I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you. Go after that dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
