so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
