Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
