the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
