I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
