she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
