I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're too hungover to prance.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize