I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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