I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
