I've blown a few things in my day
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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