I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
