Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ketchup is God's man juice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
