These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
