Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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