I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
