i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
