mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
