Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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