on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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