WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
