Sacagawea was the original milf.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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