Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
