All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
