Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
