East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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