he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
