You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
