I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
