i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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