She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
