it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize