My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Alive.
So much puke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
